WILFRED JOHN - I HAVE HAD SEX SINCE I WAS FOUR

I wanted something different,
so I named my puppy, Sex.
To renew my doggie’s license.
I went down to Corperation office
“I’d like a license for Sex”, I said.
He said, “Wouldn’t we all? ”

“You must not have understood,
I need it for my mutt.”
“I really don’t care how she looks,
if she’s ugly, fine or what.”

“But Sir, I must tell you,
I’ve had Sex since I was four ”
and he showed me out the door.

Newly married, we brought our
pet along for the honeymoon.
I told the hotel manager,
“A place for us and for Sex,
a special room.”

Every room has a place for sex.
Every room has a bed.
“But Sex keeps me up at night.”
“It keeps me up, too”, he said.
At our divorce the court gave
all my possessions to the wife

I protested, “Please, Your Honour,
I had Sex before my married life ”

The judge then said that he did, too.
“It’s not a real big crime.”
“But Sir, before we tied the knot,
I had Sex all the time”
The judge said that I could still have sex,
so I took my hound and ran.

My wife then said that she’d miss Sex,
so I stayed a married man.
Last night Sex ran off again
as we walked around the block.
A cop pulled up and asked me
if I knew it was three o’clock.

I told him that I was looking for Sex
and he took me straight to jail.
Now I’m waiting for my trial to
come and can’t get out on bail.
… if I ever get another dog,
I think I’ll name him... “tomy” or “hitler”
Anything but “Sex”.

WILFRED JOHN

http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-have-had-sex-since-i-was-four/